all over
by LoveJacNaylor
Summary: Jac tells Jonny she cheated on him but somethinmg will keep them closer together.
1. Chapter 1

I sat at my desk trying to figure out how to tell Jonny. Sean was right, I had to tell him before it was all around the hospital and someone else told him. He deserved better. He didn't deserve me, all m good at is breaking people hearts. There was a knock at the door which brought me out of my thought. An average size man walked in and closed the door behind him.

"Hello beautiful, how are you?" He came over placing kiss on my cheek and a coffee and a muffin on my desk. I looked at him, my face went white. I got up and quickly ran to the toilet. As I was emptying my stomach of last nights booze and food Jonny came in. He opened the toilet door as I was in to much of a rush to close it. He looked at me "oh sweetie" he pulled my hair back out of my face as I continued to vomit. I didn't deserve him, he was kind, sweet and just perfect. Once I stopped I sat on the cold dirty floor leaning against the cubicle wall. He bent down so he was looking at me "you okay Jac? You still look really pale. C'mon I will take you home"

"No I'm fine, I just had a bit to much to drink last night"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes!" I said, not meaning to sound so blunt or angry but I couldn't help it. I got up and stormed of leaving Jonny in the women's toilets in shock.

* * *

After doing an important procedure on my peads patient I sat at the Nurses' station waiting for Jonny. He walked up behind me. "Jac, what's up? You've been acting funny all day, well for a few weeks now?" He asked me concerned. He sat on a wheel chair opposite me.

"Its nothing, I'm just tired. What you doing tonight?" He wheeled his chair over to me so I was between his legs. He placed his hands on my legs.

"Nothing, but I have an idea" he said winking at me.

"Good, do you want to go for a drink? I think we need to talk"

"Yeah sure, after we can go back to mine and have an afternoon delight" I couldn't help but laugh at him.

* * *

Once I had got out of my scrubs I sat for a moment in the locker room trying to think what I was going to say. I thought it was not or never so I put my coat on and grabbed my stuff. I was so nervous I didn't want to tell him but I knew I had to. I made my way to the entrance taking the stairs so I had time to think about it. I walked outside and saw Jonny standing in the rain. 'God he looks sexy' I though. I walked over to him and grabbed his hand. He looked at me then down at his hand and then me again. We were both surprised I held his hand, I never wanted a public relationship with him but I think this could have been the start. I squeezed his hand as I never wanted to let go. We started walking.

"So the pub or do you just want to go back to mine and grab a bottle of wine on the way?" He said looking at me. I stopped in the garden area.

"We need to talk first Jonny"

"What did Hanssen want? Did he say something about us?" He had worry in his eyes, he though Hanssen might have said something seeing as I barged into her office like that. I looked at him sadly.

"Yes but no" he looked confused. "He knows about us but that's not it"

"So what did he want?"

"To congratulate me on the operation" I couldn't say it, I didn't want to break his heart. He already looked upset.

"Oh, well you did great Ms Naylor. I'm proud of you baby" he said with a smile and kissed me on the cheek.

"And he offered a course for me to go on" he look at me proudly. "In Japan" I thought if I told him this he I wouldn't have to tell him the truth.

"Ohh, you said yes right?" I nodded sadly. "That's great Jac" I froze, 'what' I thought. "He offered me to accompany you and I said yes" I looked at him with sadness. "Its perfect. C'mon let's go and celebrate" he grabbed my hand again but I let go.

"Jonny that's not all" I had to tell him. "Did you mean it when you said you wanted to forget about the past?" He nodded, tears came to my eyes. "I... I.. I slept with Sean... Last night" he looked at me with pure anger. He was furious.


	2. Chapter 2

Only a short one.

* * *

"WHAT THE HELL JAC" he said as he took a step back. He put his hand on his mouth and looked at me with disgust. I couldn't believe I had told him. He looked sad. Tears came to my eyes.

"Im sorry, it was only once. Just one night, it didn't mean anything" Jonny looked away not wanting to show me his hurt. "Jonny look at me, say something. Say you hate me, just say anything"

"You want me to say I hate you Jac?" I shrugged my shoulders, I could hear the pain in his voice. "Well I can't. I can't believe you did this Jac. When ever we start to get some stability you wreck everything. And the sad bit about all of this is you don't even know or care"

"Jonny I do care, I care about you and I care abo" he cut me off. I knew he was hurt but I didn't want it to all end. Why did I have to be so stupid.

"Jac, I just wanted a normal life, with kids, a wife, a house and a dog. I want all of that Jac. I wanted it with you but now" he started to shake his head, I could see the disappointment in his eyes,

"You can. I want that to Jonny. I want it with you" I said as tears streamed down my face.

"No Jac, no its to late" he walked away. I couldn't help but feel ashamed.

I got on my bike and drove home. I kept looking at my phone every 10 minutes to see if Jonny had text but he hadn't. I couldn't text his because I knew he would be still angry and I didn't want to make things worse. I got up and went to the fridge, grabbed a bottle of wine and a glass. Thinking about what I had done over the past few days, over the past few years, I poured my 4th cup and then my 5th. I was on my second bottle by this point and I knew it wouldn't get any better than how I was feeling now but I kept pouring glass after glass. I picked up my phone and dialled a number. It rang until I got to a voice message "Hi, this is Jonny's phone sorry I am unable to answer the phone" said the Scottish voice than another voice came up "but im with my awesome best friend in the whole world so I shall call you later" said Mo. I couldn't help but feel butterflies when I heard his voice, once it had gone I let out a burst of tears not realising I didn't hang up. "Jac why are you such an idiot!" I exclaimed, then my phone bleeped. 'Crap I didn't hang up' I though.


	3. Chapter 3

**Its only short. Please review. **

* * *

I wasn't worried that I had to be at the airport early the next morning, I wasn't bothered when I opened the bottle of wine or when I passed out on the sofa after calling Jonny 100 times. I felt my phone buzzing I couldn't open my eyes, they felt like they was glued together. I finally managed to get up but ran straight for the toilet and threw the contents of my stomach up. I sat on the cold tiles of my bath room floor for about 20 minutes till I was finally able to get up without vomiting. I walked back to my living room and grabbed my phone of the sofa. I looked at it 'shit' I thought, Hanssen had called me 5 times. I realised the time and ran to my room grabbing random clothes and shoved them into a suitcase. I called Hanssen back and made some lame excuse up. I had completely forgot I had to be at the airport at 11am, I also forgot that I was ment to be going to Japan with Jonny.

I got out of the taxi at the airport and made my way into the the big building filled with 1000 of people. I saw his face standing out from the crowed, my heart melted but I could let their relationship get in the way. This was a work course, I was here to learn about a new surgeries not about mending mine and Jonny's broken relationship. I walked over to Jonny in my dark black jean, a long sleeve black baggy top and sunglasses which covered my face. Jonny looked at me, 'she looked ruff' he though which would explain the phone calls last night. "Hi, sorry I'm late" he looked at me but said nothing. Are flight number got called so we both made are way to the check in. Once we had got onto the plane Jonny sat next to the window and I sat on the outside. I don't like sitting on the inside but I let Jonny do what he wanted. I felt bad. I thought I should speak to him now or never but I couldn't, why couldn't I. I didn't know why but I knew I wanted to. "Jonny" he looked at me. He had his headphones in but he heard me. "I'm" I got cut of by the pilot speaking telling us we needed to put are seatbelts on due to landing, we followed the instructions but it went silence again. We got checked out and grabbed are lungae before going to the taxi.

We got into a taxi and made are way to the entrance of the Hotel. It was beautiful, it wasn't a landmark hotel which Hanssen normally booked us into it was modern, there was glass walls. It was breath taking. "Woow" I heard Jonny he was gob smacked, it made me smile for the first time since we broke up. Even though everything has happened he still picked up my suit case and dragged it into the hotel even when I tried to take it off him he wouldn't allow me. We went to the desk "2 rooms under Ms Naylor and Mr Maconie" I said to the women. "Ummm, sorry we have 1 room for Mr and Ms Naylor" me and the desk women had an argument for about 10 minutes. "Jac its fine we can just share" he said very bluntly but I think he had enough of me and the women arguing over something so simple but stupid. "No, Jonny we dont have to" I said sturnly "I know you won't want to" I said sadly. He just looked at me. "Its fine, I dont mind" he said and a little smile came to my mouth. We grabbed are bags and headed for the lift. There was no conversation at all. We made it to the room, I opened the door and looked around. It was magical, I looked at the bed and there was red pettles on it with a note and a bottle of champane. 'Enjoy' the note said.


	4. Chapter 4

**Its only ruff (was done at 6am on the train to school)** **PLEASE REVIEW! I HOPE YOU ENJOY!**

* * *

I turned to look at Jonny, I didn't know what to do or say. I turned to face Jonny with the note in my hand. **"What's that"** he said as he placed the bag in the corner of the room. **"It's from Hanssen, he said to 'enjoy'"** I couldn't help but feel sad. **"Well Im tired so im going to go in the shower then bed"** I said going over to my suit case trying to ignore what we had just found.

I took my towel and washing stuff out of my suit case and made my way to the bath room. Putting the shower on full blast, it scolded my skin as I got under it by decided not to turn it down as I deserved to feel the pain. My skin was burning as it turned bright red, I got out and looked in the mirror, the big dark circles around my eyes shocked me. I just stood there staring at myself and suddenly burst out crying. What was wrong with me? I thought. **"Jac are you okay in there?"** I forgot that Jonny was in the other room, I didn't mean to be so loud but I just ignore Jonny. Pulling myself together I got up and made my way out of the room as I forgot my clothes. I walked into the bedroom and started at Jonny who's eyes were glued to me. I got butterflies as I saw that face that he gave me every time I aroused him. I saw his eyes looking me up and down then they locked on mine. I took in a deep breath trying to prevent myself from crying, I was so overwhelmed over what had happened over the last few days. I couldn't keep it in and tears started to roll down my checks. Jonny slow walked over to me I could see the nerves in his eyes. I knew he didn't want to be near me. My legs went jelly which made me fall to the floor. **"Oh, Jac"** he said as he bent down and cradled me in his arms. He sat lent against the wall with me in his arms. I felt safe again like nothing could happen to me but I was still uncontrollably crying. We sat there for about an hour or two until he spoke **"Jac, Jac listen to me"** He said puling my chin up with his index finger**. "What's wrong? Talk to me please, help me understand"** he said wiping my tears away. **"help you understand what?"** I didn't want to wreck are moment, I knew we were never going to have another one like this. **"Everything Jac" **I looked into his big beautiful eyes.


	5. Chapter 5

**So Ive been really busy lately and had no time to update so I thought seeing as it is half term and I have English coursework to be doing I would update with a quick chapter for now but I shall update again tomorrow or well before the end of the week. Thank you for the comments, keep them coming. If you have any ideas please share I have a slight writters block. Its all in my head but when I come to write it, it doesnt come out right and I dont want Jac to be to much out of character. Please comment. **

* * *

"I..I..I..I..I don't know... where to start" I stuttered he looked at me with disappointment, he knew I didn't want to tell him. I couldn't believe how vulnerable I was, I always had an answer for everything.

"C'mon Jac tell me about anything, just something. I need to know why you did it?" tears came to his eyes. I knew he only wanted to know why I cheated.

"I can't Jonny, you know I don't-"Jonny cut me off.

"Jac, please. I want to understand, I want to understand you" He gripped me tighter and placed a kiss on my head, I wanted to stay like this forever I felt safe but I promised myself I would never become like this with a man again.

"Jonny why?" I sat up pulling myself away from him. I walked over to my suitcase and grabbed my oversize t-shirt out and placed it on with a pair of short. Jonny was staring at me with a slight grin on his face. "What?" I said to his rather confused.

"I was looking for that shirt" I looked down realising it was Jonny's, I had completely forgot, it had been my comfort blanket every night that I wasn't with him. I snuggled it once I got onto the bed. It smelt like him still.

"Oh yeah, um I'm sorry" I pulled my legs up to my chest trying to comfort myself. I wasn't alone but I had never felt so alone. I had always pushed people away for once I just wanted Jonny to stay close, to hold me, to kiss me, it was all I wanted. "I was 12 when my mum left me" He looked at me in shock, I wasn't sure if he was shocked I was opening up to him or just because my mum left. "I had no one" I started to go into my own little world like I was imagining it all over again. Like it was happening to me right now. I didn't know how long I was in my daze but I felt a hand on mine. I quickly jumped up thinking it was him but it wasn't it was only Jonny."I'm sorry I though you were... I was in a daze" I was shaken up by the touch of Jonny.

"I'm sorry Jac, c'mon sit back down"

"No.. No... No I can't. I've umm I've got to go" I was startled, I couldn't think straight and especially not around Jonny. He wanted to know things and I couldn't do it, I couldn't open up. I was pacing around the room untill I went towards the door but suddenly felt arms around me. His grip tighten around my back "its okay Jac, I'm here"


	6. Chapter 6

**I am SOOOOO SORRY that i havent update recently, I have finally finished all of my exams and coursework for now and though I would update quickly before I go to work. Its only short but I am trying to figure out where to go with this story and I dont want it to be a typical Janny fic so any ideas are welcome. (FYI Jac is 32 im my story she doesnt look 39 or the other 100 of ages BBC have given her) PLEASE REVIEW!**

* * *

We stayed there in each others arms for what it felt like minutes but it was really hours. I couldn't help but feel safe and protected like no one could hurt me but then Jonny let go and all of this vanished. I didn't feel safe or protected, I felt vulnerable and weak. Jonny grabbed my hand and pulled me over to the bed to sit down, I slowly sat on the bed aware of every move he made. 'I trusted Jonny did I?' I though, 'of course I did, didn't I?'. hundreds of thoughts ran through my head but I couldn't help but feel scared. I looked into his beautiful big eyes and sighed. I had to tell him.

"Paula, my mother if you could call her that abandoned me when I was 12. She just left me and I had no one. No father, no family, no one. She just left me" I looked to the floor, I didn't want to see Jonny's face, how could I? "She told me my grandfather had died so I had no one, I was put into care. I was in and out of different foster parents, homes but no one wanted me who would? I got into a lot of trouble when I felt like my foster parents didn't care about me, well one day I was taught a lesson. I guess that's why I did that Jonny, I thought you didn't care, I thought you didn't want me. You don't understand Joseph was a big part of my life and I was shocked that I heard he was getting married. I know it isn't an excuse but you wasn't there, you weren't there for me and that's what I needed. What I wanted, I wanted you to be there for me but you wasn't Jonny, you wasn't there" I started to panic all of my memories flooding back to me, remembering everything that had gone on the past 20 years without my mother. I tried to calm down but I couldn't, I went into a full blown panic attack, my heart was racing, tears falling down my cheeks, I couldn't catch my breath.

* * *

**Once again sorry it is short, please feel welcome to leave ideas of where it should go from here or message me. **

**Thanks, Beth XO**


End file.
